Why do people ask for help, then don't listen.....don't learn?

Mmathis

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It's interesting, but sad when we've had new members post, all in a panic...... They ask for help, but sometimes they are vague with their information, like they're holding something back. So we keep asking questions and offering advice, 'til we finally get to the point where we realize this chick or dude is gonna do his or her own thing no matter what advice we give.....and there seems to be a disregard for the well-being of the fish.

They're sure they're right -- and we never hear from them again....... Until we see where they've posted to another forum, and oh, guess what? Didn't QT fish; didn't cut back on fish load and now have a tank full of sick & ulcerated fish! And the worst part? They still sound clueless and giving run-around answers, in denial about the real cause of their problems.

I don't get it.:banghead:
 
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You can give people advice from your experience and what you know to be true but it's a crap shoot, if they're going to listen or not. All's I can say is you tried to help them but if they don't listen theres not much you can do:(. Makes you wonder why they even come here for help ????
 

addy1

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Try asking 10 beekeepers what is the best thing to do, you will get at least 15 answers that this is the only way to do it!
There are so many ways to do things, like a uv to get rid of green water, some think that is the only way. Well not really, so yep multiple answers.
 
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It's interesting, but sad when we've had new members post, all in a panic...... They ask for help, but sometimes they are vague with their information, like they're holding something back. So we keep asking questions and offering advice, 'til we finally get to the point where we realize this chick or dude is gonna do his or her own thing no matter what advice we give.....and there seems to be a disregard for the well-being of the fish.

They're sure they're right -- and we never hear from them again....... Until we see where they've posted to another forum, and oh, guess what? Didn't QT fish; didn't cut back on fish load and now have a tank full of sick & ulcerated fish! And the worst part? They still sound clueless and giving run-around answers, in denial about the real cause of their problems.

I don't get it.:banghead:
Maggie we are here because we love our combined hobbies of goldfish and koi,however unlike the vast majority fishkeepers who think a fish lives a while then dies "heIl I'll just buy me a new one", but some of us become more curious and its because of that weve gone futher than others ever will do.into the fish health side of things and once learned we are wlling to help.
Weve gained a working knowledge of fish health issues we pass on that knowledge, some are grateful but others (well youve already said it).....however its the grateful who then go on to pick up those books and who learn from them.
They in turn pass on the message :- "Hey did you know there's another side to fish keeping thats even more interesting and is really cool to know and thats fish health". then weve done our job and can smile when we see someone else blossom .......(thats why we help out.)........

You can give people advice from your experience and what you know to be true but it's a crap shoot, if they're going to listen or not. All's I can say is you tried to help them but if they don't listen theres not much you can do:(. Makes you wonder why they even come here for help ????
mtpond that is so very true my friend however if you continue to give that same advice time and time again then you've done your best
It makes you wonder sometimes why they even came here for help !!!!.... that shouldnt enter into it , that way leads to major headaches for yourself because its making you say , to hell with it why should I pass on knowledge gained why not just keep it to myself .
When I ran KKU it almost caused me to Breakdown twice after getting into that way of thinking
Have you ever noticed how often these people get conflicting advice when they ask a question?
Ask the question "how to get rid of green water"? and see how many different answers you get.

Randy look at it this way even we can take away knowledge , they may even have a better way of getting rid of green algae etc including treating ulcers and us using ozone to treat and cure our koi with Koi Clear Gel over conventional treatment
When at last Koi Clear Gel is licenced for use in the US your going to remember that thread about the holy grail of ulcer treatments and buy a tub ready for use should it be needed in your fridge
Try asking 10 beekeepers what is the best thing to do, you will get at least 15 answers that this is the only way to do it!
There are so many ways to do things, like a uv to get rid of green water, some think that is the only way. Well not really, so yep multiple answers.
Thats so very true addy its an infomation exchange if you'll let it be :happy:

Dave
 
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When I first joined it was in a panic, my water was a bit murky, turns out Sissy solved it with her quilt batting. BUT man I got a bunch of different answers on what and how to do it. I just went with what I thought sounded logical.

I know what you mean though - I'm dealing with some family issues, none fish related, but if you're not in the forest, you can see the clear answer, you offer it, they accept it and then do the EXACT opposite of what you said and the cycle starts over ......

As far as other forums, this is my only forum, I don't even check the others.
 

Mmathis

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As far as other forums, this is my only forum, I don't even check the others.

Well, this is how I feel:
GPF -- There's no place llike home! :love:
ALL THE OTHERS -- A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there! :confused:

But, @Mucky_Waters and @addy1 one thing I've noticed on this "other" forum is that in their "emergency/health" section, as soon as someone starts a thread relating to a sick fish, one of the mods [I assume it's a mod] will pop in with a "disclaimer" note reminding folks NOT to post with opinions -- the idea there is to get as much information as possible from the poster with out muddying the waters [no pun intended and no reference to you, Mucky]. But I also think they have a specific staff that monitors that section of the forum, since it is for emergency-type problems -- I think at one time @Dave 54 brought up the idea of our GPF trying something like that. But my point here is, they discourage members from posting random comments and opinions so that the thread can stay focused on the issue/problem at hand. Sometimes that's what you have to do. It's like taking a medical history from Grandpa. You want to know the basics like where does it hurt; when did it start; has it ever happened before; have you recently made any changes to your routine; has anyone else in the family had this....... You get vital signs and do an exam, looking for clues. What you don't need is for Uncle George to start telling you about his friend who knew someone who......you get the idea.

Oh, and believe me, I have SOOOOOOOO wanted to butt in on the particular thread and answer the questions that the OP isn't admitting to [based on previous threads there, as well as what's been posted on GPF]. But then my adult-self steps in, reminding me that my motives aren't in the best interest of the sick fish, but are based on the I-told-you-so principle [wagging finger.....]. GRRRR! When did I turn into an adult......?????
 

j.w

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I try to only to give advice on things that have worked for me as most of us do. Subjects I don't know much about I stay away from. My pond is pretty simple w/goldfish and a nice sized pond for my liking w/ waterfall and simple filters and plants. Did lots of looking before I built and now happy w/what I have.............well you always want more but for now I am happy. I enjoy what it turned out to be and enjoy sharing what I have learned w/ the new people I meet and sometimes it does get frustrating when I read all the good info lots here give to new ponders and then we never see them again. You win some, you lose some, what can you do. It's just like that in the real world too...............well you know what I mean, the flesh and blood seeing is believing real world. I'm happy w/ all the winners who have stuck around here and have become friends w/ lots of you. We don't all agree and we sometimes bicker back and forth but we stick around and get over it and move on and remember that ponding is supposed to be for fun and enjoyment and relaxation and learning. So we love what we do and we want to share so we do. Let them that listen and learn do what they choose and if they stick around and learn more than all the better. One more ponder to go on to help someone else in what they learned. We all learn from each other in success and failure of which I have had both. Just keep on doing and learning.

I like what Leo wrote:

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.
- Leonardo da Vinci
 
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IMG_158792114491822.jpeg

not everyone, but quite a lot are. :)
 

JohnHuff

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I found this out a long time ago. That's human nature. If you're looking for gratitude, forget it. I used to work in a library as a kid. Sometimes I'd spend a lot of time helping someone look for a book or something for their project. After I'm done, they just turn away without a thank you.

So yeah, if you're doing this for something other than yourself, forget it. And that is one of the reasons why Waterbug is no longer here. The more I learn about ponds, the more I find that WB is correct. Not only that, but his attitude regarding people is true too, only he took it too personally. He's getting the same grief from his new hangout but too proud to come back here.

There are a couple of people here who's always looking for a fight. I discovered the "ignore" button and now no longer see their posts.

Mmathis: Dave54 is funny, he yelled at a guy for doing exactly that. I just deleted my posts. Remember, don't look for people to thank you. They're not dogs.
 

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