morewater
President, Raccoon Haters International
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2014
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- 1,344
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- Southern Ontario
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- Hardiness Zone
- 5b
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When you occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know (but you know deserves it).
I was sitting at my desk at home one day when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello..' I politely asked if I could speak with Robyn Carter.
He freaked out, and yelled at me "Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits of her phone number. Easy mistake.
After having spoken with her I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up on him. Then I wrote his number down with the word 'Asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or having a bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' then hang up on him. It always cheered me up. But when Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number one day and said, 'Hi, this is John McDermott calling from Bell Canada, and I'm calling to see if you're interested in having Caller ID added to your account?".
He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. So, I called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.
One day I was at Home Depot, getting ready to pull into a parking spot and some wing-nut in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. Then I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial by this time) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.' So I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Sure, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in North York. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'. He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'. He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.' I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'. He said, 'Yes?'. I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, whenever I was having a bad day and needed an outlet, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello'. I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.). He asked, 'Are you still there?'. I said, 'Yeah!'. He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'. I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'. I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in North York, it's a yellow ranch style home with a black BMW parked in the driveway.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'. I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' And hung up on him.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?'. I said, 'Hello, asshole,'. He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'. I said, 'You'll what?'. He said that he'd kick my ass. Great.
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance, 'cause I'm coming over right now.'. Then I hung up and called the York Regional Police from a pay phone at the corner saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in North York to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 3 News about the gang war going down at OakTree Blvd in North York. I got into my truck and headed over to North York and arrived just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
Anger management works.
I was sitting at my desk at home one day when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello..' I politely asked if I could speak with Robyn Carter.
He freaked out, and yelled at me "Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits of her phone number. Easy mistake.
After having spoken with her I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up on him. Then I wrote his number down with the word 'Asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or having a bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' then hang up on him. It always cheered me up. But when Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number one day and said, 'Hi, this is John McDermott calling from Bell Canada, and I'm calling to see if you're interested in having Caller ID added to your account?".
He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. So, I called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.
One day I was at Home Depot, getting ready to pull into a parking spot and some wing-nut in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. Then I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial by this time) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.' So I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Sure, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in North York. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'. He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'. He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.' I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'. He said, 'Yes?'. I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, whenever I was having a bad day and needed an outlet, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello'. I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.). He asked, 'Are you still there?'. I said, 'Yeah!'. He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'. I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'. I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in North York, it's a yellow ranch style home with a black BMW parked in the driveway.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'. I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' And hung up on him.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?'. I said, 'Hello, asshole,'. He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'. I said, 'You'll what?'. He said that he'd kick my ass. Great.
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance, 'cause I'm coming over right now.'. Then I hung up and called the York Regional Police from a pay phone at the corner saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in North York to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 3 News about the gang war going down at OakTree Blvd in North York. I got into my truck and headed over to North York and arrived just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
Anger management works.
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