How to do everything wrong installing a filter


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This should make just about anyone feel better about themselves. :)

First unpack the new filter. So far so good.

Next remove the old filter from the ground. New filter is too big. Enlarge the hole by digging. Enjoy the humidity and fighting your wife's plants in this mini rain forest because God knows we can't allow the filter to be seen now can we.

Hook up the unit. Remember to check and make sure the inlet and outlet hoses are correctly hooked up. Have wife turn on the water.

Wait and watch the fountain. Wait some more. And more. And more. Answer wife 3 times should she turn off the water. NO! You shout back. Nothing coming out. Admit defeat and yell at wife to turn off pump.

Listen to her cheering on the Rangers in the A/C house while you sweat your giblets off. Unscrew the outlet hose. Surely you didn't hook them up to the wrong connector. I mean what kind of moron would do that? Yell at wife to turn pump back on. Yell again because she's watching the Rangers and isn't listening.

Pump is back on. Water shoots out of "outlet" hose onto foot confirming you are a moron. Yell at wife to turn pump off again. Switch hoses. Yell at wife to turn back on. Pump is on. Wait...wait some more....and a little more....nothing coming out.

Surely the company that sent the filter didn't leave it in clean mode. Who would do that? Naturally the filter would be defaulted to filter and not clean mode. Squint to check because its getting late and the rain forest around you is blocking out most of the sun. Filter is set to clean. You've lost about a pint of water in sweat feeding the rain forest around you while the mosquitos suck you dry. Its part of their master plan to kill you. Check around for the kids. No kids. Begin weaving a tapestry of profanity so long it is now somewhere over western Arkansas.

Turn filter off clean mode. Yell at wife to turn the pump back on. Up comes the water from the fountain. Just when you are about to sigh relief you hear water leaking. You check the inlet line. Yes after all that back pressure you've sprung a leak in the line at the tip of the hosetail. Swear a bit more.

Yell at wife to turn off the pump again. She yells back that she thought you fixed it. Grit your teeth and tell her not yet and yell you need a common screwdriver and some cutters. While she goes to get it you find her pruners nearby. You cut the hose off where its leaking to save time. Its a little tough but you manage.

Wife comes out with the wrong cutters and screwdriver. You send her back. While you wait you check the hose and line it up with the hosetail. Something isn't right. The hose is a lot smaller than the hosetail. Looking at a little deeper you see you not only cut the hose but the end of the hosetail. More swearing ensues.

You grab another hosetail. Wife brings the right screwdriver. You put on the new hosetail and listen to the wife repeat herself saying "I thought you fixed it" Remembering your kids are fond of their mother and your security cameras are on you politely ask her to go back inside and turn the pump on.

Finally you win, dripping in sweat and newfound words of profanity you drag yourself back into the house and collapse. We should have bought an inflatable pool you think to yourself.
 
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But...you DID IT! Ha! Great story @texmaster !

My "are you KIDDING me" story happened the day my boys and I were repairing a plumbing connection and after repeatedly reminding them "don't drop anything into the pump vault!" I dropped the connector into the pump vault. Six feet deep and half full of water. Luckily they are good humored young men and turned it into a timed competition to see who could get it out first. Ingenuity and hilarity followed by successful retrieval. The things we do for our ponds!
 
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We've all been there - LOL ! Pretty sure our neighbors have heard some " choice " words, coming from our yard :)
 
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Did you remember to take the bio-balls out of the plastic bags in the filter?

Better go check. Better yet, ask your wife to go have a look.

LOL
meatloaf-is-not-amused.jpg
 
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Love that story. Best one i had we had a tall stone fountain in the pond before our mermaid and the tube bubbling top pipe constantly got bunged up with algae. A friend got me a marvellous tiny brush on a flexible long springy wire, try this he said tnis will clear the algae, so i did! Unfortunately the brush came off when i pulled it out of the fountain!
so in freezing February i was waist deep in my pond wrestling with pipework trying not to knock my statue in the water to try n retrieve the little brush!
i dont speak to that friend very often now lol!
 
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Love that story. Best one i had we had a tall stone fountain in the pond before our mermaid and the tube bubbling top pipe constantly got bunged up with algae. A friend got me a marvellous tiny brush on a flexible long springy wire, try this he said tnis will clear the algae, so i did! Unfortunately the brush came off when i pulled it out of the fountain!
so in freezing February i was waist deep in my pond wrestling with pipework trying not to knock my statue in the water to try n retrieve the little brush!
i dont speak to that friend very often now lol!

lol that's a good one
 

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