Tranquility Base to Houston, the Eagle has landed.
- Thread starter Bullfrog
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j.w
I Love my Goldies
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Yahoo you made it there and glad you are home safe and sound! I bet Gloria is overjoyed w/relief. Now you can relax, wind down and then start working on your new place. Can't wait to hear more on your travels getting there.
As I said, the trip was nerve wracking, but God was with me and I made it just fine. The fact that the tongue had been cut off of the trailer weighed heavily on my mind. If it did break at 60 MPH it would have planted into the highway like an anchor. The safety chains would have caught and slammed the truck to a stop, deploying the airbags, but I tried not to think about it and just avoided all of the potholes that I could, still, each one made me wince. The ropes that were tight holding the chairs on the cargo carrier stretched and the load fell and drug along the highway once making me stop and retie the whole thing. I had to do this four times that day. At the end of the first day, I was driving into the blinding evening sun and couldn't see them. It took a lot longer than I thought as I had to come to almost a complete stop at the topes. I didn't make the marker at 442 miles, but found a good gas Pemex station and store and stopped for the night. The military and police checkpoints were discouraged from doing a good search as the trailer was crammed full, so I got pretty relaxed about them. At the last one, the cop asked me if I had any marijuana. I raised my eyebrows and said, “No, do you?” He didn't think that was too funny, so I behaved and was waved through.
On day two, I made the land right at dark. Gloria had called Ulysis and told him to expect me so he, Joaquin, his brother and entire family were gathered for the spectacle of the gringo pulling the trailer up the hill. It was hairy, but I made it. There is a steep grade from the road onto the land and the trailer wouldn't go. Joaquin pointed at the dirt and said, “tope”so he took his ever present machete and carved it down. The mosquitoes were out in force, so the first thing I did was get the screen room out. They had never seen one, but they are smart people and helped me erect it. I then learned that the mosquitoes come out right at dusk, then go away. We then unloaded the chairs from the cargo carrier which the entire family took advantage of.
Day two I unloaded the entire trailer and took everything to the storage. On day three I went to Home Depot for the wood for the porch and bathroom as the house won't be ready for at least two months. I got a bottle of water so I could make coffee and flush the toilet as the electricity and water were still not done. It was nice not having to use the ravine latrine any more.
I got to watch as I worked a truly amazing sight. The work crew showed up and began pouring the slab, not a big deal in America where a cement truck pills up and pours the whole thing through a chute. It was all done by hand. They shoveled a truck load of rocks, concrete and cement into the cement mixer in five gallon buckets. They had to carry the water from the river in the buckets as well. The river is about 100 yards one way and they had to climb a steep hill one the way back up, it was backbreaking just to watch. The slab has to be poured all at once so it will set as a complete unit and not crack. The cement mixer refused to start, so they began mixing it on the ground as usual, 5 gallon buckets at a time and carrying it to the form. This took all day, they finished at dark. I wish the non skilled burger flippers there demanding $15.00 an hour could work one day in their shoes for the same pay, about $12.00 U.S.. They would get down on their knees and thank God for $8.00 per hour working in the AC.
I was laying out the porch. I learned long ago that the most important part of any wood construction is making it square and level. The best tools for wood working were invented long ago, a string for straight lines and a plum Bob. A top hanging from a string to make things plumb, I measured 28 inches from the trailer as this would allow the door to open and leave room to roof the trailer later, then made the shape. This step is absolutely critical because if it is not square, nothing will work out right as Huey Lewis and the News pointed out long ago, it's hip to be square. You measure diagonally from corner to corner so you actually have a true rectangle, not a parallelogram. The ground is hard here on the high point so digging the foundation for the blocks was really tough, but four hours at this point will save days of heartache later. I finished at dark.
I miss Gloria, we have been together day and night for 6 months now so I have to at least finish the bathroom before she gets here. The bathroom in the trailer is like a small broom closet. She is extremely allergic to mosquitoes and even though we have the screen shelter, I want the porch done as much as possible. Today will be devoted to framing and plumbing the porch and bathroom.
The well is also being dug by hand and it is very hard work. I wish I could post pictures but the intrnet is very slow until I get an antennae. Will do so later. This is truly heaven on earth and I can't believe I am so blessed. I will post pics when I can.
On day two, I made the land right at dark. Gloria had called Ulysis and told him to expect me so he, Joaquin, his brother and entire family were gathered for the spectacle of the gringo pulling the trailer up the hill. It was hairy, but I made it. There is a steep grade from the road onto the land and the trailer wouldn't go. Joaquin pointed at the dirt and said, “tope”so he took his ever present machete and carved it down. The mosquitoes were out in force, so the first thing I did was get the screen room out. They had never seen one, but they are smart people and helped me erect it. I then learned that the mosquitoes come out right at dusk, then go away. We then unloaded the chairs from the cargo carrier which the entire family took advantage of.
Day two I unloaded the entire trailer and took everything to the storage. On day three I went to Home Depot for the wood for the porch and bathroom as the house won't be ready for at least two months. I got a bottle of water so I could make coffee and flush the toilet as the electricity and water were still not done. It was nice not having to use the ravine latrine any more.
I got to watch as I worked a truly amazing sight. The work crew showed up and began pouring the slab, not a big deal in America where a cement truck pills up and pours the whole thing through a chute. It was all done by hand. They shoveled a truck load of rocks, concrete and cement into the cement mixer in five gallon buckets. They had to carry the water from the river in the buckets as well. The river is about 100 yards one way and they had to climb a steep hill one the way back up, it was backbreaking just to watch. The slab has to be poured all at once so it will set as a complete unit and not crack. The cement mixer refused to start, so they began mixing it on the ground as usual, 5 gallon buckets at a time and carrying it to the form. This took all day, they finished at dark. I wish the non skilled burger flippers there demanding $15.00 an hour could work one day in their shoes for the same pay, about $12.00 U.S.. They would get down on their knees and thank God for $8.00 per hour working in the AC.
I was laying out the porch. I learned long ago that the most important part of any wood construction is making it square and level. The best tools for wood working were invented long ago, a string for straight lines and a plum Bob. A top hanging from a string to make things plumb, I measured 28 inches from the trailer as this would allow the door to open and leave room to roof the trailer later, then made the shape. This step is absolutely critical because if it is not square, nothing will work out right as Huey Lewis and the News pointed out long ago, it's hip to be square. You measure diagonally from corner to corner so you actually have a true rectangle, not a parallelogram. The ground is hard here on the high point so digging the foundation for the blocks was really tough, but four hours at this point will save days of heartache later. I finished at dark.
I miss Gloria, we have been together day and night for 6 months now so I have to at least finish the bathroom before she gets here. The bathroom in the trailer is like a small broom closet. She is extremely allergic to mosquitoes and even though we have the screen shelter, I want the porch done as much as possible. Today will be devoted to framing and plumbing the porch and bathroom.
The well is also being dug by hand and it is very hard work. I wish I could post pictures but the intrnet is very slow until I get an antennae. Will do so later. This is truly heaven on earth and I can't believe I am so blessed. I will post pics when I can.
j.w
I Love my Goldies
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What a trip! But you managed to beat all the things that got in your way. Those darn chairs! Now you sure have your work cut out for you but you know what you are doing and glad you have lots of good helpers. Gloria will be so happy to get back to you and bet she will love having the bathroom and screened porch. Hope to see pix when you can post them. Enjoy your new home both of you.
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What a trip, glad you made it! Lots of hard work building your own place, but in some ways fun.
Well a lot has been done here. It'd hard to believe the amount of work that has been done in just a few days. They never complain, on the contrary, they are high spirited. There is a lot of laughter and joking as the day goes by. Even the young men enjoy the traditional old Mexican music with a lot of trumpets and accordions so I put a radio outside and play a popular local station.
Here, the plumber is the king and is widely respected. I've seen one show up for work in Paamul wearing slacks, a collar shirt and nice shoes, he just pointed. My plumber works though. As we all know, pvc is as light as a feather. He and his helper leaned one against the trailer as I worked on the deck. It slid down and fell and they both turned to look. I was sprawled out with my cowboy hat across the deck, my eyes closed and mouth open. They got a good laugh out of that. The bathroom is coming along and the well is really deep now, about 25-30 feet and still no water. The ground on top of the hill is so hard there is no chance of a collapse so no shoring is used. I hope we have water soon, if not, they will fill the tinaco and temporarily hook it to the bathroom and trailer. Another whore bath for me today I guess.
The interior walls are going up and the bedrooms are a lot larger than we thought. Gloria will be very happy when she shows up to see her new porch, bathroom and house. I miss her so much, she will be here in three days so I better close for now and clean the trailer. It will be daylight in 1 ½ hours.
I bought an internet antennae yesterday and today will get a really big bamboo pole to raise it, then I should be able to send pictures.
Here, the plumber is the king and is widely respected. I've seen one show up for work in Paamul wearing slacks, a collar shirt and nice shoes, he just pointed. My plumber works though. As we all know, pvc is as light as a feather. He and his helper leaned one against the trailer as I worked on the deck. It slid down and fell and they both turned to look. I was sprawled out with my cowboy hat across the deck, my eyes closed and mouth open. They got a good laugh out of that. The bathroom is coming along and the well is really deep now, about 25-30 feet and still no water. The ground on top of the hill is so hard there is no chance of a collapse so no shoring is used. I hope we have water soon, if not, they will fill the tinaco and temporarily hook it to the bathroom and trailer. Another whore bath for me today I guess.
The interior walls are going up and the bedrooms are a lot larger than we thought. Gloria will be very happy when she shows up to see her new porch, bathroom and house. I miss her so much, she will be here in three days so I better close for now and clean the trailer. It will be daylight in 1 ½ hours.
I bought an internet antennae yesterday and today will get a really big bamboo pole to raise it, then I should be able to send pictures.
j.w
I Love my Goldies
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You aren't wasting anytime getting things done. I sure hope you find water soon. Do they just keep trying different spots till they find it or what?
Gloria will love it all!
Hope your antennae works good so we can see some pix.
Gloria will love it all!
Hope your antennae works good so we can see some pix.
The well was at 39 feet yesterday when I had to leave to get tile. In a lot of ways, Mexico is a lot worse than the U.S., but in other ways, it's better. For example, when the electric company comes out to hook you up in the U.S., they just hook you up. If there's a problem it's “Call an electrician.” Here, they came out and hooked me up and there was no power still. He came inside and did some troubleshooting and found two fuses blown. I had no spares so he jumped them so I would have lights. I replaced them yesterday. This is better than the US.
I needed screws so I went to the hardware store. While she counted out 200 I went across the street for a cold beer. He opened it for me right there in the store. I then walked right into the hardware store drinking my beer, is this a great country or what? How cool is that?
In many ways it's worse though. These are not bad people, they are just very poor people. A shovel that you would leave outside while you ran to the store might just develop legs as tools are very important here. Some make their entire living with just a machete, most do in this area so everyone shows a lot of respect for each other. You don't piss off a man with a machete hanging from his belt. It is common to walk around with a machete, even into a store which would trip alarms in America.
Back on track, I had 4 days left until Gloria arrives so finishing the porch is urgent. When you check out of Home Depot, the security guard stands and watches the checker check out your items. He then counts each item again and out comes the rubber stamp. (rubber stamps are everywhere) So we begin loading and two boxes had broken tile showing. At this point, the guard still has your receipt. So they call some guy who gets the two boxes and disappears for ½ hour. I went to the guard and asked what was going on, “Five minutes.” she said. Ten minutes later, I offer to go get the boxes myself. No, only one man can do this. I watch as each employee comes out and exposes their pockets to the guard showing they are not stealing anything. In the supermarket, the employees are actually frisked when they walk out, male on female, it does not matter. This would result in a sexual harassment case in America.
But, male and female employees kiss when they arrive at work, the contrast is stark. Also, there are things you just won't find here, like kitty litter, “Wait a minute, you actually let your cat shit in the house, you buy a special sand for this then you pick the shit out and take it outside? HA HA HA HA, Hey Paco! Come get a load of this!”
Or baby formula, “You want to buy milk for your baby? What do you think your wife's breasts are for besides playing with? Hey Paco! The gringo is back! Last week he wanted fake bones for his dog! HA HA HA HA”
“You want air freshener? You want to spray chemicals in your house so it smells like a pine tree? You want fresh air? Open a window! You want your house to smell like a pine tree? HA HA HA HA.
You get the picture. Anyway, 45 minutes later I was on my way. When I got home, the well digger called me over, we struck water! It's really mud at this point because of the digging. Now comes the hard part. The well digger must stand in this cold water and dig one more meter so there is a steady supply of water. Standing in this cold water up to his waist, scraping the mud off of the bottom and sending it up in a bucket 5 gallons at a time. This is where the old saying “Cold as a well diggers azz” comes from.
Today is another day, I have three days left to finish five walls, build two doors and hang them, screen the walls and put up the rafters, joists and attach the roof. The bathroom needs a ceiling so I have to run wires for lights and receptacles. I thank God now that I was born so poor that I had to learn how to do all of this myself, he had a plan for me all along. I will do my best to finish but Home Depot does not sell screen doors and neither does anyone else here. You don't see screen, they leave the windows closed until after dusk, then when the mosquitoes go away, they open them.
I needed screws so I went to the hardware store. While she counted out 200 I went across the street for a cold beer. He opened it for me right there in the store. I then walked right into the hardware store drinking my beer, is this a great country or what? How cool is that?
In many ways it's worse though. These are not bad people, they are just very poor people. A shovel that you would leave outside while you ran to the store might just develop legs as tools are very important here. Some make their entire living with just a machete, most do in this area so everyone shows a lot of respect for each other. You don't piss off a man with a machete hanging from his belt. It is common to walk around with a machete, even into a store which would trip alarms in America.
Back on track, I had 4 days left until Gloria arrives so finishing the porch is urgent. When you check out of Home Depot, the security guard stands and watches the checker check out your items. He then counts each item again and out comes the rubber stamp. (rubber stamps are everywhere) So we begin loading and two boxes had broken tile showing. At this point, the guard still has your receipt. So they call some guy who gets the two boxes and disappears for ½ hour. I went to the guard and asked what was going on, “Five minutes.” she said. Ten minutes later, I offer to go get the boxes myself. No, only one man can do this. I watch as each employee comes out and exposes their pockets to the guard showing they are not stealing anything. In the supermarket, the employees are actually frisked when they walk out, male on female, it does not matter. This would result in a sexual harassment case in America.
But, male and female employees kiss when they arrive at work, the contrast is stark. Also, there are things you just won't find here, like kitty litter, “Wait a minute, you actually let your cat shit in the house, you buy a special sand for this then you pick the shit out and take it outside? HA HA HA HA, Hey Paco! Come get a load of this!”
Or baby formula, “You want to buy milk for your baby? What do you think your wife's breasts are for besides playing with? Hey Paco! The gringo is back! Last week he wanted fake bones for his dog! HA HA HA HA”
“You want air freshener? You want to spray chemicals in your house so it smells like a pine tree? You want fresh air? Open a window! You want your house to smell like a pine tree? HA HA HA HA.
You get the picture. Anyway, 45 minutes later I was on my way. When I got home, the well digger called me over, we struck water! It's really mud at this point because of the digging. Now comes the hard part. The well digger must stand in this cold water and dig one more meter so there is a steady supply of water. Standing in this cold water up to his waist, scraping the mud off of the bottom and sending it up in a bucket 5 gallons at a time. This is where the old saying “Cold as a well diggers azz” comes from.
Today is another day, I have three days left to finish five walls, build two doors and hang them, screen the walls and put up the rafters, joists and attach the roof. The bathroom needs a ceiling so I have to run wires for lights and receptacles. I thank God now that I was born so poor that I had to learn how to do all of this myself, he had a plan for me all along. I will do my best to finish but Home Depot does not sell screen doors and neither does anyone else here. You don't see screen, they leave the windows closed until after dusk, then when the mosquitoes go away, they open them.
j.w
I Love my Goldies
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Things are definitely different there. We take so much for granted here. What no screen? We don't think of this. Can you order stuff online and have it shipped to your home? Do they have UPS/Fedxpress or something similar? And is it very expensive to get stuff if they do?
It is a whole new way of life there but you will get used to it, you pretty much have to. Are there other U.S or Canadians or non Mexicans living anywhere near you that you know of? Do they have Wal-mart,Costco or Sam's clubs or are they too far away from your town?
Glad you struck water but boy they do have to work to get it! Soon you will have a nice house built and your lovely lady Gloria there by your side. Life will be good!
It is a whole new way of life there but you will get used to it, you pretty much have to. Are there other U.S or Canadians or non Mexicans living anywhere near you that you know of? Do they have Wal-mart,Costco or Sam's clubs or are they too far away from your town?
Glad you struck water but boy they do have to work to get it! Soon you will have a nice house built and your lovely lady Gloria there by your side. Life will be good!
No screen here, they don't use it, they just suffer the bugs. Doors are for security so they are bars or thick wood as you are surrounded by poverty. We seem like millionaires to them. Shipping anything here is cost prohibitive as they tax the hell out of everything. We will be going to Texas in April so we will load up. I'm the only American in Cordoba. Still have no internet there on the land but I'm working on it. The little demon showed up (Gloria) and all hell broke loose... to be continued as I write in the morning and save it.
Well a lot has happened. Some of it borders on the fantastic or even unbelievable, but I will, as always, be totally honest and try to describe these events as honestly as possible, as always. I will also try to be as humble as possible given the amazing feats of courage that I displayed in the face of immeasureable odds. I had scarcely been here a week when they named a huge mountain after me, “Pica de Felipe Antonio.”
Why? You ask, would they do this? Well, pour yourself some brandy, pass this pipe around and draw near to the fire as I unfold this tale of bravery and daring as modestly as I can.
After my days work on my rancho here in Chilpanapa was done, I bathed then dressed. I put on my black britches with the silver conchos running down the sides of my legs, my crimson shirt, tied a blue sash across my waist, put on my black, flat brimmed hat, my shiny boots with my silver spurs and my flowing black cape. I then put my sword on my belt.
Stepping outside, I whistled and my faithful steed Tempest charged up to me. Swinging up into the saddle, I gently nudged my spurs into his side. He reared up flailing his hooves and we thundered down the road leaving a trail of dust through the night toward the peaceful village of La Patrona so that I may eat and drink rum.
As I entered town, I immediately knew that something was amiss. All of the lights were out. The windows and doors were boarded shut and not a light shone in the village. This was very unusual, as all Mexican villages come outside to socialize at night in the cool air. A foul wind blew and the smell of death hung in the air. I heard a mighty roar and looked up into the night sky. A shadow passed across the full moon. A large shape with a mouth full of teeth, horns, wings like a bat and a long tail flew through the night. I slowly rode back home keeping a wary eye on the wraith from hell.
The next morning, again I rode into the village to inquire as to what was happening. The villagers all gathered around me and explained that for hundreds of years a dragon had been terrorizing this small, peaceful village, carrying away the fair maidens, killing the men and stealing their treasure.
“A dragon you say? Is that all?" I asked. "Where does this dragon live?"
They all pointed to a large mountain, “There, on Pica de Muerta, the mountain of death.” they replied.
Their eyes bulged wide and their mouths hung open as I drew my sword and looked at the mountain, “Give me a half of an hour.” I said and charged toward the mountain. I climbed the mountain and entered the dragons lair. He was huge, asleep atop a giant pile of treasure. He opened one red eye and his vertical pupil dilated in the dim light.
“I smell you thief, What have you come to take?” he asked. '
“Your life.” I replied, “And you, not I, are the thief.” He let out a loud laugh, then inhaled and blew a large plume of flames toward me which I easily sidestepped. With one mighty swing I beheaded the beast. Grabbing the head by the horns, I rode back to the village and dropped it in the square.
A huge celebration took place. The villagers paraded me around the square on their shoulders. Music filled the air, pinatas were broken as children scrambled for candy and drinks were raised in my name. President Nieto arrived and gave a speech and the key to the city to me, offering to make me the mayor and give me all of the treasure from the dragons lair.
Of course I politely refused this and insisted the treasure be returned to the rightful owners. So now you know why they named the mountain after me.
I do freely admit that I embellished a bit of this tale, especially the part about the dragon, my clothes, horse and celebration. But I did go into the village and I killed a small snake in my yard this week.
Why? You ask, would they do this? Well, pour yourself some brandy, pass this pipe around and draw near to the fire as I unfold this tale of bravery and daring as modestly as I can.
After my days work on my rancho here in Chilpanapa was done, I bathed then dressed. I put on my black britches with the silver conchos running down the sides of my legs, my crimson shirt, tied a blue sash across my waist, put on my black, flat brimmed hat, my shiny boots with my silver spurs and my flowing black cape. I then put my sword on my belt.
Stepping outside, I whistled and my faithful steed Tempest charged up to me. Swinging up into the saddle, I gently nudged my spurs into his side. He reared up flailing his hooves and we thundered down the road leaving a trail of dust through the night toward the peaceful village of La Patrona so that I may eat and drink rum.
As I entered town, I immediately knew that something was amiss. All of the lights were out. The windows and doors were boarded shut and not a light shone in the village. This was very unusual, as all Mexican villages come outside to socialize at night in the cool air. A foul wind blew and the smell of death hung in the air. I heard a mighty roar and looked up into the night sky. A shadow passed across the full moon. A large shape with a mouth full of teeth, horns, wings like a bat and a long tail flew through the night. I slowly rode back home keeping a wary eye on the wraith from hell.
The next morning, again I rode into the village to inquire as to what was happening. The villagers all gathered around me and explained that for hundreds of years a dragon had been terrorizing this small, peaceful village, carrying away the fair maidens, killing the men and stealing their treasure.
“A dragon you say? Is that all?" I asked. "Where does this dragon live?"
They all pointed to a large mountain, “There, on Pica de Muerta, the mountain of death.” they replied.
Their eyes bulged wide and their mouths hung open as I drew my sword and looked at the mountain, “Give me a half of an hour.” I said and charged toward the mountain. I climbed the mountain and entered the dragons lair. He was huge, asleep atop a giant pile of treasure. He opened one red eye and his vertical pupil dilated in the dim light.
“I smell you thief, What have you come to take?” he asked. '
“Your life.” I replied, “And you, not I, are the thief.” He let out a loud laugh, then inhaled and blew a large plume of flames toward me which I easily sidestepped. With one mighty swing I beheaded the beast. Grabbing the head by the horns, I rode back to the village and dropped it in the square.
A huge celebration took place. The villagers paraded me around the square on their shoulders. Music filled the air, pinatas were broken as children scrambled for candy and drinks were raised in my name. President Nieto arrived and gave a speech and the key to the city to me, offering to make me the mayor and give me all of the treasure from the dragons lair.
Of course I politely refused this and insisted the treasure be returned to the rightful owners. So now you know why they named the mountain after me.
I do freely admit that I embellished a bit of this tale, especially the part about the dragon, my clothes, horse and celebration. But I did go into the village and I killed a small snake in my yard this week.
Well a lot has happened. Some of it borders on the fantastic or even unbelievable, but I will, as always, be totally honest and try to describe these events as honestly as possible, as always. I will also try to be as humble as possible given the amazing feats of courage that I displayed in the face of immeasureable odds. I had scarcely been here a week when they named a huge mountain after me, “Pica de Felipe Antonio.”
Why? You ask, would they do this? Well, pour yourself some brandy, pass this pipe around and draw near to the fire as I unfold this tale of bravery and daring as modestly as I can.
After my days work on my rancho here in Chilpanapa was done, I bathed then dressed. I put on my black britches with the silver conchos running down the sides of my legs, my crimson shirt, tied a blue sash across my waist, put on my black, flat brimmed hat, my shiny boots with my silver spurs and my flowing black cape. I then put my sword on my belt.
Stepping outside, I whistled and my faithful steed Tempest charged up to me. Swinging up into the saddle, I gently nudged my spurs into his side. He reared up flailing his hooves and we thundered down the road leaving a trail of dust through the night toward the peaceful village of La Patrona so that I may eat and drink rum.
As I entered town, I immediately knew that something was amiss. All of the lights were out. The windows and doors were boarded shut and not a light shone in the village. This was very unusual, as all Mexican villages come outside to socialize at night in the cool air. A foul wind blew and the smell of death hung in the air. I heard a mighty roar and looked up into the night sky. A shadow passed across the full moon. A large shape with a mouth full of teeth, horns, wings like a bat and a long tail flew through the night. I slowly rode back home keeping a wary eye on the wraith from hell.
The next morning, again I rode into the village to inquire as to what was happening. The villagers all gathered around me and explained that for hundreds of years a dragon had been terrorizing this small, peaceful village, carrying away the fair maidens, killing the men and stealing their treasure.
“A dragon you say? Is that all?" I asked. "Where does this dragon live?"
They all pointed to a large mountain, “There, on Pica de Muerta, the mountain of death.” they replied.
Their eyes bulged wide and their mouths hung open as I drew my sword and looked at the mountain, “Give me a half of an hour.” I said and charged toward the mountain. I climbed the mountain and entered the dragons lair. He was huge, asleep atop a giant pile of treasure. He opened one red eye and his vertical pupil dilated in the dim light.
“I smell you thief, What have you come to take?” he asked. '
“Your life.” I replied, “And you, not I, are the thief.” He let out a loud laugh, then inhaled and blew a large plume of flames toward me which I easily sidestepped. With one mighty swing I beheaded the beast. Grabbing the head by the horns, I rode back to the village and dropped it in the square.
A huge celebration took place. The villagers paraded me around the square on their shoulders. Music filled the air, pinatas were broken as children scrambled for candy and drinks were raised in my name. President Nieto arrived and gave a speech and the key to the city to me, offering to make me the mayor and give me all of the treasure from the dragons lair.
Of course I politely refused this and insisted the treasure be returned to the rightful owners. So now you know why they named the mountain after me.
I do freely admit that I embellished a bit of this tale, especially the part about the dragon, my clothes, horse and celebration. But I did go into the village and I killed a small snake in my yard this week.
Why? You ask, would they do this? Well, pour yourself some brandy, pass this pipe around and draw near to the fire as I unfold this tale of bravery and daring as modestly as I can.
After my days work on my rancho here in Chilpanapa was done, I bathed then dressed. I put on my black britches with the silver conchos running down the sides of my legs, my crimson shirt, tied a blue sash across my waist, put on my black, flat brimmed hat, my shiny boots with my silver spurs and my flowing black cape. I then put my sword on my belt.
Stepping outside, I whistled and my faithful steed Tempest charged up to me. Swinging up into the saddle, I gently nudged my spurs into his side. He reared up flailing his hooves and we thundered down the road leaving a trail of dust through the night toward the peaceful village of La Patrona so that I may eat and drink rum.
As I entered town, I immediately knew that something was amiss. All of the lights were out. The windows and doors were boarded shut and not a light shone in the village. This was very unusual, as all Mexican villages come outside to socialize at night in the cool air. A foul wind blew and the smell of death hung in the air. I heard a mighty roar and looked up into the night sky. A shadow passed across the full moon. A large shape with a mouth full of teeth, horns, wings like a bat and a long tail flew through the night. I slowly rode back home keeping a wary eye on the wraith from hell.
The next morning, again I rode into the village to inquire as to what was happening. The villagers all gathered around me and explained that for hundreds of years a dragon had been terrorizing this small, peaceful village, carrying away the fair maidens, killing the men and stealing their treasure.
“A dragon you say? Is that all?" I asked. "Where does this dragon live?"
They all pointed to a large mountain, “There, on Pica de Muerta, the mountain of death.” they replied.
Their eyes bulged wide and their mouths hung open as I drew my sword and looked at the mountain, “Give me a half of an hour.” I said and charged toward the mountain. I climbed the mountain and entered the dragons lair. He was huge, asleep atop a giant pile of treasure. He opened one red eye and his vertical pupil dilated in the dim light.
“I smell you thief, What have you come to take?” he asked. '
“Your life.” I replied, “And you, not I, are the thief.” He let out a loud laugh, then inhaled and blew a large plume of flames toward me which I easily sidestepped. With one mighty swing I beheaded the beast. Grabbing the head by the horns, I rode back to the village and dropped it in the square.
A huge celebration took place. The villagers paraded me around the square on their shoulders. Music filled the air, pinatas were broken as children scrambled for candy and drinks were raised in my name. President Nieto arrived and gave a speech and the key to the city to me, offering to make me the mayor and give me all of the treasure from the dragons lair.
Of course I politely refused this and insisted the treasure be returned to the rightful owners. So now you know why they named the mountain after me.
I do freely admit that I embellished a bit of this tale, especially the part about the dragon, my clothes, horse and celebration. But I did go into the village and I killed a small snake in my yard this week.