WOW..the answers ben here all along!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by koiguy1969, Nov 30, 2012.

  1. koiguy1969

    koiguy1969 GIGGETY-GIGGETY!!

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    for weight loss......
     

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    koiguy1969, Nov 30, 2012
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  2. koiguy1969

    addy1 water gardener / gold fish and shubunkins Moderator

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    roflmao..................Love it!
     
    addy1, Nov 30, 2012
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  3. koiguy1969

    crsublette coyotes call me Charles

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    Hahaha, thats pretty good man. :)
     
    crsublette, Nov 30, 2012
    #3
  4. koiguy1969

    Mmathis TurtleMommy

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    Ha, ha, ha!
     
    Mmathis, Nov 30, 2012
    #4
  5. koiguy1969

    j.w I Love my Goldies

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    Going to start doing that right now :LOL:
     
    j.w, Nov 30, 2012
    #5
  6. koiguy1969

    addy1 water gardener / gold fish and shubunkins Moderator

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    As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.
    I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

    I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
    Nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
    About the bacteria on the lemon peel.

    I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
    What has happened on it since it was last washed.

    I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
    Because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

    Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
    Imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

    I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
    The floor of a public toilet.

    I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
    In the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
    Every envelope that needs sealing.

    ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
    Full of ice with my kidneys gone.

    I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
    Freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

    I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
    Water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
    If I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
    It can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
    So a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

    I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
    Seven different types of cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
    In the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
    Me for life.

    I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
    Needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

    I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
    Me with a perfume sample and rob me..

    And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
    Me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
    Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

    Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
    Big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
    Death when it bites my butt.

    And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
    Dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
    There by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

    I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
    Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
    The next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
    On your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon, and the
    Fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
    To grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
    Actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
    Ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
    Beautician!

    Oh, and by the way...

    A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,

    Has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
    Read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

    P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because

    I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet..

    NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY!
     
    addy1, Dec 1, 2012
    #6
    j.w and HARO like this.
  7. koiguy1969

    koiguy1969 GIGGETY-GIGGETY!!

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    sorry to hear that addy..... lol
     
    koiguy1969, Dec 1, 2012
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  8. koiguy1969

    CountryEscape

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    OMG, Addy, that was hilarious ... and soooo true! LOL I actually dated a guy that would fit into many of those categories, one being he NEVER ordered water with lemon, and would return a glass that had a lemon slice on the edge. I guess I figure we lived many generations doing many of those things, so why stop now?! KoiGuy, I KNEW there had to be some other reason for my weight gain, thanks for the pointer! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
     
    CountryEscape, Dec 1, 2012
    #8
  9. koiguy1969

    Craig58

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    You're welcome Addy. Anything else we can do?

    BTW: Did you hear about how contaminated the touch screens are that are used on ATM machines and those in the stores with the touch order screens? No? Hmmm... I heard its best now to wrap your finger in a clean tissue before touching the screen...

    Craig
     
    Craig58, Dec 2, 2012
    #9
  10. koiguy1969

    sissy sissy

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    well at least now it is all explained to us . :razz:
     
    sissy, Dec 2, 2012
    #10
  11. koiguy1969

    j.w I Love my Goldies

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    Michael Jackson didn't wear that white glove for no reason! [​IMG]
     
    j.w, Dec 2, 2012
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  12. koiguy1969

    addy1 water gardener / gold fish and shubunkins Moderator

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    lol next thing we should go out in full bio hazard suits or stay inside. You gotta get some germs to keep your body able to fight invasions. I get a cold maybe every 3-4 years. Just got a tiny one, barely noticed it, the bod fought it off. Can't recall the last time I picked up the flu.
     
    addy1, Dec 2, 2012
    #12
  13. koiguy1969

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    NEVER pick up the flu!!! I hear it's covered in germs! :yikesu:
    John
     
    HARO, Dec 3, 2012
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  14. koiguy1969

    addy1 water gardener / gold fish and shubunkins Moderator

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    rofling.............. I will remember that John!
     
    addy1, Dec 3, 2012
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