As I said, I write novels. I have finished three and am halfway through the fourth. This started as a lark when JW (Angelica in the books) and I met on another forum. I wrote a few chapters, they encouraged me and it turned into a book. every morning i would post up the next chapter. They would help me spot typos and make suggestions as well as catch mistakes. They enjoyed it and I included other forum members.
So, I wanted to put one chapter up here for you to grade me on. Look for mistakes, make suggestions and you may find yourself in my next book. My wife Vicki (Victoria) is my co author. She gives me a lot of really great ideas and is my inspiration. She never had children but always had a natural gift with animals, they just gravitate to her. We moved out to the country and there is an abandoned house across the street. The man died and left it to his son. His wife hates it even though it is beautiful riverfront property. He showed up twice last year to mow the grass and she just sat in the car. I know they saw the dog, they had to and knew who she was.
My wife figured it out. There is a black and white dog who stays there. One ear is deformed, it lays back over her head. We learned that the man behind us shot her because he was afraid that she would bite his kids. She never barks at anyone and slinks into that yard or the woods when anyone approaches. She sits every day looking down the road, waiting for her master to come home. She has done this for five years now. She is nobody's dog. Wild and unapproachable until she met Vicki. We began feeding her and she will now lay with her head in Vicki's lap. The conversation that Vicki (Victoria) has in this book is exactly the same thing that she said to this dog. a lot of my books are based on true life. The chapter is too long to post in it's entirety, so I will put up a little at a time.
I hope that you will comment and make suggestions. This is how I got started writing, with JW encouraging me on. So with no further ado, let me take you to Port Royal, Jamaica, 1628 to a seedy pirate tavern called "The Rat's Nest". Felipe, the main character is a pirate seeking new men....
Shouting was coming from the bar and the bar fell silent. They looked and saw Paco, one of Felipe's deck hands confronting another man.
“You accost and grab my wife when she walks by?” the man glared at Paco.
“The way that she dresses, I thought that she was a prostitute.” Paco sneered.
The man was outraged, he drew his sword and made quick work of Paco. Felipe and the others approached him, “Excuse the behavior of my deckhand. His mouth always worked faster than his mind, I offer apologies for actions.” Felipe said.
He turned to John who was standing at his side, “Pack your belongings and meet us at the harbor in the morning. The Vengeance will send a boat out for you.”
Four of Felipe's men grabbed Paco by his hands and feet and carried him from the tavern, they would bury him at sea the next day.
CHAPTER FORTY ONE
NOBODY'S DOG
The women were sitting at the pavilion. Little Andre was toddling around now on his bowed legs cooing happily. He reached up to the table and grabbed a large, thin clay bowl and pulled it to the floor breaking it.
“Andre!” Angelica shouted, “Look at what you have done, that was our food cooler!”
Shayla smiled picking up the pieces, “It is no problem, we will simply make another.”
“I have always wanted to see how you make a bowl.” Victoria said helping her.
“Well, we never had any broken, but now that we have all of these children, you had best learn.” Shayla said, smiling and tousling Andrea's hair. He smiled and quickly waddled away, “Come with me.” she said, picking up a large basket.
“I will watch the babies.” Marianna smiled.
They followed Shayla to the waterfall. Walking along the edge where it flowed out to a small stream she knelt down and began digging some soft brown clay out of the bank. She put a large pile into the basket, then picked several banana leaves and placed them on top of the clay.
Together they walked back to the pavilion, a butterfly landed on Victoria's shoulder and they all stopped to watch it slowly open and close it's beautiful wings, “Do all wild things love you?” Shayla asked.
“Yes.” Angelica replied, “Felipe is a good example.” The butterfly took flight and they walked on.
Arriving back at the pavilion, Shayla took a small square board and placed it on the round table in the corner. She then arranged the large banana leaves out like a fan in a circle coming out from the center. They all sat in a circle. Shayla dug the clay out and put the large blob in the center of the circle of leaves and patted it round with her hands. She then dipped her hands into a bucket of water and held them around the clay.
“Spin the table.” she said.
The round table stood on a short, stout pole that went into a hole in the floor. Victoria and Angelica began to spin the table as Shayla held her hands around the clay shaping it as is spun.
“I always thought the table turned to make it easier to get the food. You do not have to get up to get to the potatoes.” Angelica said.
“Well, as I said, we never had bowls broken before, but now we have children." She smiled as her hands expertly plunged into the center of the clay making the inside of the bowl, "As you know, this bowl sits inside of the larger, thicker bowl. The outer one is thick to hold in the cool, the inner one is very thin to let the cool transmit through it. We then just fill the sides up with sand and wet it. As the water evaporates, it makes the inner bowl cool. That way our tomatoes last a lot longer. They would spoil in two days in this environment, in this, they last a week. There, it is finished. We now take the board off and put it in the sun. The banana leaves will dry out and rot, we can then easily peel them off of the bottom of the bowl once it is dry and hard. In the sun, this will take three days.”
She rose and picked the board up, they heard a shout then a volley of cannon fire from the cove, “The men have returned!” she said and they hurried down to the beach.
The ships were sailing into the harbor. They all furled their sails and dropped anchor. The men dove overboard and began swimming to the shore as the women smiled. Soon they were all ashore hugging their wives as longboats began shuttling more of them to the shore.
A large man with light hair and a pretty blond haired woman stepped off of a boat and waded to the shore, “This is John and his wife Debra, meet my wife Victoria.” Felipe smiled.
Jose Lopez shook his head, “More women, more talking, new gossip.” he said and was elbowed in the ribs by Gabriela.
They all began walking toward the pavilion. Nobody really noticed the dog sitting there looking expectantly out toward the ships. She was a female, black and white with a slightly fluffy tail, a mutt of mixed breed. One ear was deformed and hung over the top of her head even in the strong breeze while the other hung down normally. After a while, she was alone on the beach staring out at the ships. The sun went down and she did not move. All night she kept up her silent vigil, waiting for her master to return.
So, I wanted to put one chapter up here for you to grade me on. Look for mistakes, make suggestions and you may find yourself in my next book. My wife Vicki (Victoria) is my co author. She gives me a lot of really great ideas and is my inspiration. She never had children but always had a natural gift with animals, they just gravitate to her. We moved out to the country and there is an abandoned house across the street. The man died and left it to his son. His wife hates it even though it is beautiful riverfront property. He showed up twice last year to mow the grass and she just sat in the car. I know they saw the dog, they had to and knew who she was.
My wife figured it out. There is a black and white dog who stays there. One ear is deformed, it lays back over her head. We learned that the man behind us shot her because he was afraid that she would bite his kids. She never barks at anyone and slinks into that yard or the woods when anyone approaches. She sits every day looking down the road, waiting for her master to come home. She has done this for five years now. She is nobody's dog. Wild and unapproachable until she met Vicki. We began feeding her and she will now lay with her head in Vicki's lap. The conversation that Vicki (Victoria) has in this book is exactly the same thing that she said to this dog. a lot of my books are based on true life. The chapter is too long to post in it's entirety, so I will put up a little at a time.
I hope that you will comment and make suggestions. This is how I got started writing, with JW encouraging me on. So with no further ado, let me take you to Port Royal, Jamaica, 1628 to a seedy pirate tavern called "The Rat's Nest". Felipe, the main character is a pirate seeking new men....
Shouting was coming from the bar and the bar fell silent. They looked and saw Paco, one of Felipe's deck hands confronting another man.
“You accost and grab my wife when she walks by?” the man glared at Paco.
“The way that she dresses, I thought that she was a prostitute.” Paco sneered.
The man was outraged, he drew his sword and made quick work of Paco. Felipe and the others approached him, “Excuse the behavior of my deckhand. His mouth always worked faster than his mind, I offer apologies for actions.” Felipe said.
He turned to John who was standing at his side, “Pack your belongings and meet us at the harbor in the morning. The Vengeance will send a boat out for you.”
Four of Felipe's men grabbed Paco by his hands and feet and carried him from the tavern, they would bury him at sea the next day.
CHAPTER FORTY ONE
NOBODY'S DOG
The women were sitting at the pavilion. Little Andre was toddling around now on his bowed legs cooing happily. He reached up to the table and grabbed a large, thin clay bowl and pulled it to the floor breaking it.
“Andre!” Angelica shouted, “Look at what you have done, that was our food cooler!”
Shayla smiled picking up the pieces, “It is no problem, we will simply make another.”
“I have always wanted to see how you make a bowl.” Victoria said helping her.
“Well, we never had any broken, but now that we have all of these children, you had best learn.” Shayla said, smiling and tousling Andrea's hair. He smiled and quickly waddled away, “Come with me.” she said, picking up a large basket.
“I will watch the babies.” Marianna smiled.
They followed Shayla to the waterfall. Walking along the edge where it flowed out to a small stream she knelt down and began digging some soft brown clay out of the bank. She put a large pile into the basket, then picked several banana leaves and placed them on top of the clay.
Together they walked back to the pavilion, a butterfly landed on Victoria's shoulder and they all stopped to watch it slowly open and close it's beautiful wings, “Do all wild things love you?” Shayla asked.
“Yes.” Angelica replied, “Felipe is a good example.” The butterfly took flight and they walked on.
Arriving back at the pavilion, Shayla took a small square board and placed it on the round table in the corner. She then arranged the large banana leaves out like a fan in a circle coming out from the center. They all sat in a circle. Shayla dug the clay out and put the large blob in the center of the circle of leaves and patted it round with her hands. She then dipped her hands into a bucket of water and held them around the clay.
“Spin the table.” she said.
The round table stood on a short, stout pole that went into a hole in the floor. Victoria and Angelica began to spin the table as Shayla held her hands around the clay shaping it as is spun.
“I always thought the table turned to make it easier to get the food. You do not have to get up to get to the potatoes.” Angelica said.
“Well, as I said, we never had bowls broken before, but now we have children." She smiled as her hands expertly plunged into the center of the clay making the inside of the bowl, "As you know, this bowl sits inside of the larger, thicker bowl. The outer one is thick to hold in the cool, the inner one is very thin to let the cool transmit through it. We then just fill the sides up with sand and wet it. As the water evaporates, it makes the inner bowl cool. That way our tomatoes last a lot longer. They would spoil in two days in this environment, in this, they last a week. There, it is finished. We now take the board off and put it in the sun. The banana leaves will dry out and rot, we can then easily peel them off of the bottom of the bowl once it is dry and hard. In the sun, this will take three days.”
She rose and picked the board up, they heard a shout then a volley of cannon fire from the cove, “The men have returned!” she said and they hurried down to the beach.
The ships were sailing into the harbor. They all furled their sails and dropped anchor. The men dove overboard and began swimming to the shore as the women smiled. Soon they were all ashore hugging their wives as longboats began shuttling more of them to the shore.
A large man with light hair and a pretty blond haired woman stepped off of a boat and waded to the shore, “This is John and his wife Debra, meet my wife Victoria.” Felipe smiled.
Jose Lopez shook his head, “More women, more talking, new gossip.” he said and was elbowed in the ribs by Gabriela.
They all began walking toward the pavilion. Nobody really noticed the dog sitting there looking expectantly out toward the ships. She was a female, black and white with a slightly fluffy tail, a mutt of mixed breed. One ear was deformed and hung over the top of her head even in the strong breeze while the other hung down normally. After a while, she was alone on the beach staring out at the ships. The sun went down and she did not move. All night she kept up her silent vigil, waiting for her master to return.
