The Daily Joker.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by DutchMuch, May 27, 2017.

  1. DutchMuch

    addy1 water gardener / gold fish and shubunkins Moderator

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    So sorry to hear that Haro, so sad.
     
    addy1, Jan 31, 2018
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  2. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    Thank you, j.w and Addy.
    John
     
    HARO, Feb 2, 2018
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  3. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers.
    Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK
    Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet …



    “I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse.... I guess Tesco just listened!
    Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?
    Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
    Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!
    Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night ...
    I still have a bit between my teeth.
    A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.
    Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn
    "I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... AND THEY'RE OFF!"
    Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.
    Said to the missus, These Tesco burgers give me the trots....
    "To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian".....
    A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?" Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"
    I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.
    These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit....Talk about flogging a dead horse.
    At first I thought, “Oh great, I’ve been saddled with another email to forward, but something spurred me on.”
    Last night the wife made meatloaf, so I had dinner with two nags.
    Since they’re selling the meat wrapped in plastic, is that technically a “Trojan Horse?”

    Instead of choosing “rare, medium or well done, it’s now Win, Place or Show”


    John
     
    HARO, Feb 2, 2018
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  4. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    Angel, Feb 2, 2018
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  5. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    Angel, Feb 2, 2018
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  6. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    Angel, Feb 2, 2018
  7. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    John
     
    HARO, Feb 3, 2018
  8. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    John
     
    HARO, Feb 3, 2018
  9. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    HARO, Feb 3, 2018
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  10. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    John
     
    HARO, Feb 4, 2018
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  11. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    Angel, Feb 4, 2018
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  12. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    John
     
    HARO, Feb 4, 2018
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  13. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    John
     
    HARO, Feb 5, 2018
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  14. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

    The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife.

    He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering `That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.`

    As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple.

    The old man replies that they`re just fine - they`re just used to sharing everything.

    The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn`t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

    Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.

    This time the old woman says `No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.`

    As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin,the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks `May I ask what is it you are waiting for?`

    The old woman answers... `THE TEETH.`
     
    Angel, Feb 6, 2018
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  15. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    John
     
    HARO, Feb 7, 2018
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  16. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    I went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of rum and put it in the bicycle basket.



    As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.



    So I drank all the rum before I cycled home.



    It turned out to be a very good decision,



    because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
    John
     
    HARO, Feb 7, 2018
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  17. DutchMuch

    j.w I Love my Goldies

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    j.w, Feb 7, 2018
  18. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    texmaster, Feb 7, 2018
  19. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    texmaster, Feb 7, 2018
  20. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    texmaster, Feb 7, 2018
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