The Daily Joker.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by DutchMuch, May 27, 2017.

  1. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    i see the 3 x's
     
    Angel, Feb 14, 2018
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  2. DutchMuch

    koiguy1969 GIGGETY-GIGGETY!!

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    A guy is driving around the western plains of North Dakota and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
    The guy goes into the backyard and sees anice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
    You talk?' he asks.
    Yep,' the Lab replies.
    After the guy recovers from the shock ofhearinga dog talk, he says 'So,what's your story?'
    The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
    In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured adog would be eavesdropping.'
    I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
    But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
    'I got married, had amess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
    Ten dollars,' the guy says.
    Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
    Because he's a bullshitter . He's never been out of the yard'
     
    koiguy1969, Feb 14, 2018
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  3. DutchMuch

    HARO Pondcrastinator

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    [​IMG]
    John
     
    HARO, Feb 14, 2018
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  4. DutchMuch

    j.w I Love my Goldies

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    Me too see 3 X's
     
    j.w, Feb 14, 2018
  5. DutchMuch

    addy1 water gardener / gold fish and shubunkins Moderator

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    Usually because what he tried to upload failed, I have had it happen I just delete and skip or load something else.

    Usually you can see the pic, but when posted it goes to a red X
     
    addy1, Feb 14, 2018
  6. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    from notalwayright.com

    Telling Her To Take A Hitchhike

    (I’m driving from Ohio to California. It’s the middle of the day, on a long stretch of empty highway. I see a guy walking with a nice-looking suitcase, with his thumb out looking for a ride. I don’t normally take hitchhikers, but this guy is well-dressed, and I have a long way to go, so why not? I pull over and offer a ride, the guy thanks me and puts his stuff in the back, and we get going.)

    Hitchhiker: “Hi, my name is [Hitchhiker].”

    Me: “Hi, car break down?”

    (The guy sighs and rubs his face.)

    Hitchhiker: “No, it’s my anniversary with my girlfriend of four years, and we were going to stay at this B&B a few miles up the road.”

    Me: “Sounds romantic.”

    Hitchhiker: “Yeah, the place looked really nice.”

    Me: “So, why aren’t you there now? Fight? “

    Hitchhiker: “No… Not really. She insisted we take her car. We get there, the place is amazing. She goes to check us in and I get the bags. She comes out and leads me to our place, a little cabin off the main house. She opens the door and there is this guy there. I think we have the wrong room. Nope, turns out this is her new boyfriend. I just turned, walked out, and kept walking.”

    Me: “Well, at least you got your clothes.”

    Hitchhiker: *laughs* “Nah, my stuff isn’t worth much. I have her clothes. I want to see how cute the guy thinks she is when she doesn’t have 12 pounds of makeup on.”

    (He laughed again. We talked the entire 150 miles to his home.)
     
    Angel, Feb 16, 2018
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  7. DutchMuch

    CountryEscape

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    This feels sooooo true! Had low of below freezing yesterday morning, frost on the deck and grass was crunchy. Last night the temps were raising, and this morning didn't even need a jacket. I think spring has finally sprung, though, because I see no freezing temps in the 10 day forecast! Woohoo!!!
    groundhog funny.jpg
     
    CountryEscape, Feb 19, 2018
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  8. DutchMuch

    JamieB

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    Ha. Oklahoma has it beat. Temps in the 60s at 7am, now 37.
     
    JamieB, Feb 19, 2018
  9. DutchMuch

    CountryEscape

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    We're going to get that tomorrow. Supposed to be 68 tomorrow, then 34 for the low. Booooo ....
     
    CountryEscape, Feb 20, 2018
  10. DutchMuch

    JamieB

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    Yeah, but 60s in early AM, and just above freezing by noon? It’s crazy.
     
    JamieB, Feb 20, 2018
  11. DutchMuch

    Patfish Ignore the mask and cape

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    My parents said "No more" IN '69 THEN A COUPLE YEARS LATER HERE COMES PATFISH
     
    Patfish, Feb 20, 2018
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  12. DutchMuch

    j.w I Love my Goldies

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    j.w, Feb 20, 2018
  13. DutchMuch

    Angel

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    28167422_2403418306354275_8123979604756946326_n.jpg
     
    Angel, Feb 20, 2018
  14. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
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  15. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
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  16. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
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  17. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
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  18. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
  19. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
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  20. DutchMuch

    texmaster

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    [​IMG]
     
    texmaster, Feb 21, 2018
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